I knew it would be an alien!

Royal Spawn Update:

Day two and the ‘child’ is already out of the hospital and waving to hypnotised hoardes fawning over the steps of the portal to the other dimension hospital.

Tiny tiny fingers waving ‘hello, I will destroy you now’

I was always suspicious of the distinct lack of weight gain or bumpage over the course of Kate’s pregnancy, or I would have been if I’d given enough shits to read a gossip site during the period. Luckily, the Daily Mail showed me ALL THE PHOTOS in the immediate lead up to the bursting forth of the alien king.

Clearly that hush hush stay in hospital for ‘severed morning sickness‘ was in fact an early opportunity to hypnotise the poor commoner into hysterical pregnancy, and Will kept up the charade by inserting fake bumps under her clothing as she slept and feeding her Ipecac. Don’t blame poor Will, though, you know he only did it because Grandma Lizzie threatened to chop his balls off – the same as she did to his Daddy.

Now that the alien spawn has been placed in her oblivious arms, it’s only a matter of time before its ultimate plan is revealed. Those little fingers are clearly either signaling the home planet, or doing one half of a Monty Burns ‘ecccsssellent’ in anticipation of uncurtailed supremecy.


Stay tuned* for more late breaking headlines on the ultimate overthrow of the United Kingdom (and the rest of the world thereafter) by one hairless Windsor. And I’m not talking about Wills. Or Charles. Or Phillip.**

*Or alternatively, never hear of this again, we’ll see.

**Harry, you’re cool, gingas rule.



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