25 ways to know you’re poor in London

You live in London and you don’t live in Zone 6 or share a room with three strangers… but you’re thinking about it…

‘I can’t really afford to’ has replaced ‘shall we have a drink?’ as the most common phrase in your repertoire…

Your Mum wants to send you perfume as a present and you wonder how to tell her you’d rather have socks and underwear…

When you go to the Timeout London website it automatically selects FREE events even though you never clicked ‘remember my search settings’. It KNOWS…

You think about your student loan at least once a day and obsess over the lies your professors told you. Get a good degree they said… you’ll get a job they said… it’ll be easy they said…

You wish you could live at Poundland. And that’s not a euphemism…

You dread bank holidays because you won’t be paid for that Monday off and your friends are all off on holiday without you. Of course, you didn’t want to go to Ibiza anyway…

You’re jealous of every couple you know… because of their half-price rent…

You are willing to sleep inside your sleeping bag, in your bed, in ALL THE CLOTHES so that you can turn the gas heating off. Sexy…

You will go to work with the plague because your workmates can afford sick days and you can’t. Ahhhh… chew! Suffer plebs…

You hear Macklemore’s ‘Thrift Shop‘ and WISH you had $20 in your pocket…

During Winter you always meet friends at Museums because they’re the only place that will let you into the warmth without having to buy anything. #firstworldbumproblems…

The refrigerator broke but you didn’t have to throw anything out…

You drink 14 Nescafe Golds at work (shudder) coz you ain’t paying for that shit outsida 9-5…

Half the reason you want the sun to come out is so that it’s not weird to lie about in the park for 8 hours not doing anything…

You occasionally give all your rusty pennies to a good cause in hopes of some kharma…

When friends leave town you’re a gollum/smeagol combo – crying at their departure and gleefully clutching the linen you’ve inherited. Now you can change your sheets even if it’s raining!

You consider cutting your own fringe… People comment daily on how long your hair is getting… You wonder if you can string it out another 6 months to the next haircut… Chop, snip, ahhhh disaster!

You know which ATMs will give you just a tenner…

You refresh your music by creating new RETRO! playlists from the depths of your collection. Backstreet’s back, ALRIGHT!

You started making a photo montage of your clothes that have holes in them. You only didn’t post them on your blog because the 27 pics of individual holey items with fingers poking through somehow looked like a very particular type of fetish when seen together as a whole…

You miss that terrible temp job in the place with the free lunch bar… but you don’t miss the accompanying food hoarding…

You consider that £3, 1.5L bottle of ‘white wine’ at Budgens for more than 3 seconds… no, we’re not quite there yet. Maybe next week…

You have a strict no-presents rule, coz you know, we’re all adults now, and we don’t have to give in to the corporate marketing machine… let’s just be together, let our ‘presence’ be the present… unless you’re planning something costy, in which case… happy birthday on facebook!

You feel like London Grumbler just KNOWS you…

What I imagined my life in London would be like

What it’s really like:

**Disclaimer Alert – Disclaimer Alert**

Yes, yes, absolutely first world problems, absolutely chose this, absolutely still doing awesome stuff. Just giving you some insight into what people do to live in London these days!

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10 thoughts on “25 ways to know you’re poor in London

    1. shapelle Post author

      Hehe maybe a private viewing. Peep show, if you will, since my skin will peep out through the holes. Not in an attractive way though!

      Reply
    1. shapelle Post author

      Just to stay warm? Yup that’s def London hobo behaviour – I certainly appreciated the Tube more in Winter. Gah! Summer is coming.

      Reply
  1. michael

    currently all this and more. how about “when you realise the pay from tomorrow’s temp shifts won’t reach you ’til almost two weeks from now”. i mean, jesus christ. how far can i stretch this 100 quid? been looking at the 9p recipe woman… since we’re a pair of wandering nomads, we seem to end up spending way more at the supermarket just to get the ‘base stock’ that someone who’s lived in the same place for longer than 2 months would have. like flour and butter (although they were like 45p each. so i’ve no idea where all the money is going).

    can’t wait til my job starts… i’m going to live so goddamn normal, it’s going to be amazing. breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, and being able to go down the park and buy an ice-cream for £2 without having a nervous breakdown.

    just praying that no random expenses turn up before i get paid. oh well, there’s always the overdraft back in nz…

    Reply
    1. shapelle Post author

      Ohh yes that fear is the only reason I kept my NZ credit cards rolling despite having to pay annual fees for something I’m not using! What is this 9p recipe phenomenon? Although I know I’d be the same – even after a year I’ve not managed to accumulate any sort of base ingredient stock. But yay you’ve got a job!!

      Reply
    1. shapelle Post author

      Hehe well sometimes it’s good to know what you’re in for! We all keep throwing ourselves on the altar of London anyways, so get ready to be poor, but poor for a cause!

      Reply

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