Arohanui: Chch I’m thinking of you

Dear NZ, 

I miss you today more than ever. I wish I could be there with you on this day of remembrance for Christchurch. I love you and remember the people we’ve lost, but not only the people: so often only the dead are counted, but I see extrapolated from the death count the lost hopes and plans, the limbs and bodily functions, the power and water and homes and schools and workplaces.

I think not just of those gone but of those still living and struggling. I hope so much that the survivors will do better than survive: I hope they will thrive and take up arms against catastrophe. 

I know you’re ‘getting there’ and I know you’re still doing it tough. Both can be true. There’s no shame in struggling and there’s equally no shame in doing okay. 

I still carry scars and I was not there. It is okay, and legitimate, to feel these things in absence. Even if you aren’t there now, and you’re off gallivanting about the world, you can take a moment and feel whatever you feel.

I’m going to take a moment today and feel what I feel. 

I can’t define what this is, but I can only say, I’m thinking of you.

Arohanui, not just to Christchurch, but to all who are thinking of it, whether they are there or far away.

xxx S

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5 thoughts on “Arohanui: Chch I’m thinking of you

  1. Jo

    Beautiful and raw, lump in my throat. Am going to share this with one of my Christchurch colleagues who was right in the middle of it when it struck. arohanui to you my Sha bear and thankyou for your big heart xxx

    Reply
  2. Lauren

    I think it is definitely different this year. To be honest I didn’t even realise it was the second anniversary until I read your blog. I don’t think that’s because I’m heartless – it’s just that apart from Lisa actually being there for it, I wasn’t directly affected by it. And it’s become so much of every day life, hearing about Christchurch related stuff and writing about it for work, that the actual date has fallen off the radar.

    Reply
  3. Eliza Lindstrom

    tar so much for your words re christchurch. The hurt doesnt go away it just gets bigger! Crazy when the earthquake first happenned I felt shock and joy. Joy because I may have lost a home but no human I knew was dead! f course I knew humans intown on the day, I heard a friend on the transitor I was listenning to with neighbours, talk about surviving the fall of the ctv building. Joy for the connection, love and support we gave to each other, that nz gave. 2 years later my eyes just well up with tears, it’s time for grief, it’s a hard city to live in.

    Reply
    1. shapelle Post author

      Thanks for YOUR words Eliza! It’s very interesting to hear about someone whose reactions were perhaps the opposite of what some would expect – with things feeling worse over time not better. One of my big lessons from it is to never ever judge how someone feels about something like that. Sometimes people who are right in the thick of it deal with things better than those supposedly uninvolved. Sometimes people can deal with losing the big things but not the seemingly-minor things. Sometimes the stages of grief don’t go 1-2-3-4-5-6 like they’re supposed to.

      Reply

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